Short Hair and Cake Are Alike, Right?
by lexieconextreme
Summary: Sam gets cake instead of pie for the last time. Sam couldn't say Dean didn't warn him. Based off the Tumblr post


**8/26/18 EDIT: I've been apologizing for a lot of my early fics, and this is no different. Sorry. But I won't delete, because apparently people actually like some of them? I have questions, but we'll put them to the side for now.**

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 **Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters within.**

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Sam thanked the cashier as he grabbed the bags of snacks, and walked out the door. They were working some vampire case in Wapello, Iowa, and Dean had asked Sam to get some snacks on his way back to the motel. As always, Sam's older brother had requested pie. And as it always seemed to go, the gas station he stopped at didn't have any. Sam didn't feel like stopping at another store to look for _pie_ , of all things. If they had needed toilet paper or something, Sam would gladly go to the store.

He was already exhausted after a day of investigating vampires and witnesses denying that it was vampires that had attacked them. It was quite irritating when victims of a supernatural attack didn't believe in the being that had attacked them. Sam didn't blame them. He himself sometimes wished he could be ignorant too. But Sam knew that would never work. Should another Apocalypse arise, it was often only Sam and his brother fighting it off, because they were the only ones that could.

Sam sighed, unlocking his rented car's door, and shoving the groceries onto the seat beside him. On his way back to the motel, Sam thought about the absolutely _fantastic_ rant Dean was going to give him about the no-pie situation. Those were always fun to listen to. Even after the rant, Dean would sometimes mutter under his breath for _hours_ about how Sam always got him cake and not pie.

 _Oh well_ , Sam thought. _The cake is probably better for him than his pie._

Dean was getting older, and it's not like he ate the healthiest things. The last thing Sam wanted was his brother going out from a heart attack or something related to his cholesterol. Chuck knew it was already higher than was healthy for a 36-year-old man.

At this point, Sam was actually considering getting veggie burgers without Dean's knowledge whenever they got burgers from some drive-thru.

Sam pulled into the motel's parking lot. He hoped Dean was busy with research related to the case, and not some pretty girl. Sam grabbed the bags and got out of the car. As he approached the door, he listened carefully. Sam didn't want to walk in on Dean again. He'd done that enough over the years. He opened the door cautiously. Dean sat at the table, on his laptop. Sam let out a small sigh of relief, before opening the door all the way and walking in.

"What do you got?" Sam asked, setting the bags down on the kitchen counter and rummaging through them.

"A whole lot of nothing," Dean replied, standing. He stretched, them walked to the snack bags. Sam tensed, waiting. "There aren't any places any self-respecting vampire would hide around here, and it's not like hungry vamps would drive into a whole different town just for lunch. It may not be even be a vampi-" Dean stopped. He looked through both bags again, no doubt looking for his pie.

"Sam." The younger Winchester looked down, waiting. "Where's the pie?" Sam thought his brother sounded slightly menacing.

"They didn't have any, so I got you cake instead."

Dean glared at him.

"What?!" Sam sputtered. "It's basically the same, it just tastes different!"

Dean's glare darkened.

"Basically the same, Sam? I may not be a cook, but even I know that cake and pie are _very_ different." Dean took one of the other snacks, and sat back down at the table. Sam held in his breath. Was this it? No rant? No mumbling that lasted for hours? But Dean didn't say a thing for hours. Sam felt sure that his older brother was planning his demise, revenge for years of getting cake and not pie.

As they were getting ready for bed, Dean said something for the first time in almost three hours. "Cake is just like pie, huh? I'll have a comparison for you by morning, Sam. I'll give you an alternate example, why cake is most definitely _not_ like pie."

Needless to say, Sam went to bed terrified for his life.

When Sam awoke the next morning, he wondered why Dean had not exacted his revenge. While Sam would argue that Dean should not be getting this worked up because of some pie, Dean would not agree.

 _He really does love his pie_ , Sam thought.

Sam sat up to see Dean sitting on the bed opposite, looking at him. Sam was immediately creeped out, not to mention worried. On the bed beside Dean, was a pair of clippers. Sam wondered what Dean intended to do with them.

"So. A comparison, right? What is it?" Sam swallowed nervously.

Dean looked at him, his face and voice oddly lacking in any trace of emotion, and said slowly, "If cake is like pie, than short hair is like long hair. Am I getting this right?"

Sam's eyes widened. Dean didn't. He wouldn't have. With a worried glance at his brother, Sam bolted out of bed to the bathroom to look in the mirror. No. No, no, no, no, no.

"DEAN!" he yelled. His reflection stared back at him. "DEAN WHAT THE HELL?!"

In the mirror, Sam could clearly see, all his hair had been cut off while he slept. Dean had moved and now stood in the doorway. "I think you should just be glad I didn't shave it off." Dean pursed his lips. "Or, you know, didn't put Nair in that shampoo of yours."

Sam stared at his older brother in shock. All his hair. Gone. Because he didn't get pie.

Dean finally grinned. "Maybe next time, you should just get me some pie."

Dean started laughing, creeping Sam out even further. He wondered if Crowley had somehow managed to possess his brother.

Dean just kept laughing, Sam staring at him, horrified.

 _Right_ , he thought. _Next time, I should probably get some pie._

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 **A/N: I feel like this was written by somebody who's trying to be funny and failing miserably. Let me know what you think!**

 **8/26/18 EDIT: That's some top-level self-awareness, y'all. I was fcking right. I'm still sorry this exists.**

 **Also, if you're interested in doing a Walking Dead RP, PM me or its creator, TheDerpHowlsAtMidnight. Thank you and good night.**


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